Behold! I Have Come To Kick Your Ass! By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was fully God. 1:2 The Word was with God in the beginning. 1:3 All things were created by him, and apart from him not one thing was created that has been created. 1:4 In him was life, and the life was the light of mankind. 1:5 And the light shines on in the darkness, but the darkness has not mastered it.

A year ago I was asked to step into this church and speak. The congregation was 20 at most and they were mostly older women and a old man or two that has since passed on.
I began my first sermon using the sermon from John Edwards "Sinners in the hands of an angry god".
I spoke with passion and fervor. I woke some people up in the middle when I began to stomp and bang when I wanted to make a point.
Then the word started to spread. I began to tell about how I knew what it was like in the real world and the tests that put to you all. I spoke about how god did not want you all to be weak he wanted you to stand up and be men or women, but regardless stand up for yourselves. Take what is yours be assertive because the world is changing.
I had an old woman or two tell me that they were scared to leave their house because of the drug dealers. But now they were more scared of me and not showing up then they were of the thugs on their street.

John 1:6 A man came, sent from God, whose name was John. 1:7 He came as a witness to testify about the light, so that everyone might believe through him. 1:8 He himself was not the light, but he came to testify about the light. 1:9 The true light, who gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. 1:10 He was in the world, and the world was created by him, but the world did not recognize him. 1:11 He came to what was his own, but his own people did not receive him. 1:12 But to all who have received him – those who believe in his name – he has given the right to become God’s children 1:13 – children not born by human parents or by human desire or a husband’s decision, but by God.

I went to their houses and I beat the pimps and the drug dealers into believing they were going to hell. They began to come to church and the church helped them to find honest work. The church helped when the church needed to and when the church could.
The women began to tell of how much nicer the neighborhoods became when the lord took the evil off the street.
The evil that did not see the light did not stay around very long.
I heard one say they had never seen a man be so lucky that did not carry a gun.

Deu 32:26
“I said, ‘I want to cut them in pieces. I want to make people forget they ever existed.

Deu 32:27
But I fear the reaction of their enemies, for their adversaries would misunderstand and say, “Our power is great, and the Lord has not done all this!”’

Deu 32:28
They are a nation devoid of wisdom, and there is no understanding among them.

Deu 32:29
I wish that they were wise and could understand this, and that they could comprehend what will happen to them.”

Rodney "The Rod" Smith
You all remember him right??
Yeah he was the one that came to church to challenge me and he brought that Mac 10.
Do you all remember how he began to fire at me during one of my sermons and how every single bullet just disappeared the moment it left the barrel?

Deu 32:30
How can one man chase a thousand of them, and two pursue ten thousand; unless their Rock had delivered them up, and the Lord had handed them over?

Deu 32:31
For our enemies’ rock is not like our Rock, as even our enemies concede.

Do you remember the fear in his eyes when realized that the bullets were disappearing and I was coming down from the dais toward him? His posse began to shoot too and they just made noise as their bullets vaporized.
Man that was classic, he stood there locked kneed staring at me as the bullets never touched me.
And when I struck the gun from his hand with my bible, the gun made of hardened steel and carbon fiber, shattered into a million pieces.
And then I brought the bible down on his head and he fell back wailing in tongues.
His boys all fell to their knees screaming ‘how they were sorry and that’ “oh please god forgive us.”
Our congregation double that day and has increased by 10 people every Sunday since.
The crime rate in the neighbor hood has dropped and the word on the street is that god is looking over this 40 block area himself.

Deu 32:32
For their vine is from the stock of Sodom, and from the fields of Gomorrah. Their grapes contain venom, their clusters of grapes are bitter.

Deu 32:33
Their wine is snakes’ poison, the deadly venom of cobras.

Deu 32:34
“Is this not stored up with me?” says the Lord, “Is it not sealed up in my storehouses?

These thugs, pimps, and crooked policemen, and players are all worshiping false gods and false idols. They have not seen what real power can do. they can not see the lord for they are too blinded by the lies and deceit that is the drugs they do and the money they hoard.
They are too busy worrying about how to hold their place and get more, then to see the damage they are causing to the neighborhood.
The whores all believe they are innocents and their crime is a victimless crime but they do not see the rage that is god’s anger from their misdeeds. The thugs, crooked cops and Politian’s all want to be in power. They fight and kill and cheat and rob to gain power but only god can give them true power.
Just as god gave me the power walk through Rodney's bullets he gives you all the power to stand up for what is yours.
Just as he gave me the power to thump the word of god into the two cops that ran the drug rings right in front of the church. He gives you al the power to say no to the heathens that want to take what is yours away from you.
Those cops were dealing drugs right out of their squad car.
Those two tried to arrest me when I beat their runner with my bible when I caught him stealing from the basket that one Sunday.

Yeah DO NOT FUCKING STEAL FROM THE CHURCH AS I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!
They rolled up on me began to push me around and say they were going have to take me down town for questioning. I beat the shit out of them, before they could even bring out their taser. They said they were sorry and that they would no longer be dealing drugs.
I even made them clean up their own blood.
The lord wants you to stand up for yourself. Take what is yours, do not let some heathen take something from you. Do not let an opportunity pass that you could have thumped some Jesus into some sinner.

Deu 32:35
I will get revenge and pay them back at the time their foot slips; for the day of their disaster is near, and the impending judgment is rushing upon them!”

Deu 32:36
The Lord will judge his people, and will change his plans concerning his servants; when he sees that their power has disappeared, and that no one is left, whether confined or set free.

Deu 32:37
He will say, “Where are their gods, the rock in whom they sought security,

After the beatings ask them where is their god? And why did their god fail them? Tell them that their god is a pussy and their god is no match for your god and that any time anywhere your god will go toe to toe with their fucked up watered down version of a god.
Tell them God kicked Satan’s ass, god kicked your ass. And ask, “Who’s god has the better kung fu bitch?”
Yeah that is right!
Now remember sometimes the beatings must be done a couple times as the poor soul you are saving could be too blinded from the lies and deceit but eventually they will come around and they will see the light that is god's word and god's love.

Deu 32:38
who ate the best of their sacrifices, and drank the wine of their drink offerings? Let them

Deu 6:5
You must love the Lord your God with your whole mind, your whole being, and all your strength. rise and help you; let them be your refuge!

I beat therefore I am. I whip your ass in the name of god. I beat the sinners down and tattoo the word "Holy Bible" into the foreheads of the unwashed and the filthy sinners of our time.
Just as each generation of insect becomes immune to pesticide so does the sinner to god’s word. God’s word needs to be stronger every day. There is no limit to the strength and love that god has for all of his children.
Remember that and you will be better at beating the shit out of and the word into all of the sinners of the world the more you love god and the more you love and stand up for your self.
I believe that if we all bring this to our work and we bring this to the voting booths and we let the godless bastards that are our bosses know that we will no longer be meek and we will no longer be sheep shepherded by wolves. That we will now fight back and take what is ours we will have a better chance of surviving the rough and tough roads that lay ahead.
I hear that some of the married men may be taking the assistance of the single mothers too far. I am sure that this is not the case and I am sure that the married women that think this will realize their mistakes.
But should this rumor turn out to be true believe me there will be some serious ass kicking happening.
The sewing circle is holding crotchet classes fro the teen girls. they say all girls should know how to mend and sew and crotchet before they are to be married. So girls I think that you can give up one night of training to learn a more feminine skill.
I would like to say that the drug tests came back as well as the chromosome tests came back.
It appears that the girls champion is in deed a girl and has been beating the shit out of the boys for many weeks.
But I have it on good authority that this Friday will be the turning point for the boys as they have a secret weapon that has been training in secret and is ready to rumble. Come out Friday to see the boys lose or the boys take back the trophy.
No cookies, no coffee, no fucking dunking donuts, as you all can not behave in the parking lot.
Go home and think of a way to apologize to me and your neighbor.

Amen