God is everywhere
I was in court today and I could not pass the opportunity to evangelize a little while I was there. I went into the rest room on the 8th floor and I found all the stalls full. At first I thought, ‘What are the chances to find an audience like this.’
So I cleared my throat. And let the lord speak to the captured masses that were there.
I have you all here for a reason. Hear me as I tell you all the gospel of the lord.
You all sit there and contemplate the ideas and plans of men. You ignore the plans of the lord.
The lord told Hosea to marry a prostitute.
Hosea 1:2-1:5 When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, he said to him, “Go marry a prostitute who will bear illegitimate children conceived through prostitution, because the nation continually commits spiritual prostitution by turning away from the Lord.” So Hosea married Gomer, the daughter of Diblaim. Then she conceived and gave birth to a son for him. Then the Lord said to Hosea, “Name him ‘Jezreel,’ because in a little while I will punish the dynasty of Jehu on account of the bloodshed in the valley of Jezreel, and I will put an end to the kingdom of Israel. At that time, I will destroy the military power of Israel in the valley of Jezreel.”
Hosea married the prostitute, fathered a child and named the child as the lord has said to.
The lord has told you all to help your fellow man. But do you help your fellow man? No you think of devious and deceptive was to take advantage of man and god's children. You lawyers and judges and tax collectors you all forget gods way, gods love and gods plan for all of man kind. You all fleece the poor as if they are your sheep. Nay they are not your sheep they are the lord’s sheep for he is their Sheppard.
You not only steal; from god but you ignore his word.
Shame on you all and shame on your families. Shame that you reap from the sadness and despair of the weak and shame on you for you oppress and provide no relief for the poor.
You are heads of your community and you provide nothing back to the community.
Hosea 1:6-1:9 she conceived again and gave birth to a daughter. Then the Lord said to him, “Name her ‘No Pity’ (Lo-Ruhamah) because I will no longer have pity on the nation of Israel. For I will certainly not forgive their guilt. But I will have pity on the nation of Judah. I will deliver them by the Lord their God; I will not deliver them by the warrior’s bow, by sword, by military victory, by chariot horses, or by chariots.” When she had weaned ‘No Pity’ (Lo-Ruhamah) she conceived again and gave birth to another son.
Then the Lord said: “Name him ‘Not My People’ (Lo-Ammi), because you are not my people and I am not your God.”
Hosea did as the lord asked even though it was humiliating to him. He fathered a second child so that the lord could show his anger for the land of Israel because Israel had forgotten god’s word and god's plan.
They had strayed and became large in their own minds and thought they were beyond god's law just as you all think you are above the lord and above the other children of god.
[Kicking the wall of a stall] Repent now!
[Kicking the wall of a stall] NOW!
[Kicking the wall of a stall] I can not hear you!
[Kicking the wall of a stall] You are all going to hell and you will all burn for eternity
It is the community that carried you to here. It is community that welcomes your children and you wives and mistresses. You are all false men. You are all sad and I weep for you and your future
Jer 22:3
The Lord says, “Do what is just and right. Deliver those who have been robbed from those who oppress them. Do not exploit or mistreat foreigners who live in your land, children who have no fathers, or widows. Do not kill innocent people in this land.
A toilet flushes and I exit.
Court testimony and the law of god. By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Court testimony and the law of god.
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
You are being sued for the injuries that sustain form encounter with the plaintiff
The plaintiff alleges that you assaulted him without provocation and that this assault caused injuries and the arrest of the plaintiff.
The plaintiff further states that the injuries prevented him form gainful employment and the ability to generate an income.
The plaintiff seeks fifty thousand dollars for medical bills and the loss of income, the plaintiff also asks the court to award another fifty thousand dollars for pain and suffering form the attack and humiliation of the arrest.
Mr Sleestaxx would you wish to make a statement?
Your honor, the plaintiff was caught in the act of breaking to my vehicle. At The moment that I approached the plaintiff he was inside my vehicle.
To say our encounter was without provocation is a prevarication.
Second Peter 2:3
And in their greed they will exploit you with deceptive words. Their condemnation pronounced long ago is not sitting idly by; their destruction is not asleep.
My personal possessions were found on his person. He stood and attacked me with a weapon and injured me. I have a knife wound on my arm form the encounter
Judge Shipley: Is the wound still visible?
Yes it is.
Judge Shipley: Will you please approach the bench so that the wound can be witnessed.
Yes you honor
Judge Shipley: Yes that is a serious wound.
Judge Shipley: Are sure that the plaintiff is responsible for the wound?
Yes the knife was recovered by the officers.
Your honor the bible states
PSA 74:3 Hurry and look at the permanent ruins,
and all the damage the enemy has done to the temple!
And Psalms 74:6 reads And now they are tearing down all its engravings with axes and crowbars.
I saw him pop the lock and damage my vehicle
Rev 9:21
Furthermore, they did not repent of their murders, of their magic spells, of their sexual immorality, or of their stealing.
He was riffling through my personal items. I tried to stop him and he became violent and tried to attack me. I just wanted him to stay there for the police to arrest for the damage and attempted theft of my property.
Psa 37:30
The godly speak wise words and promote justice.
Psa 37:28
For the Lord promotes justice, and never abandons his faithful followers. They are permanently secure, but the children of evil men are wiped out.
Jer 37:14
Jeremiah answered, “That’s a lie! I am not deserting to the Babylonians.” But Irijah would not listen to him. Irijah put Jeremiah under arrest and took him to the officials.
I witnessed him breaking into my car and entering it I approached him and attempted to subdue him for the police but he resisted and tried to get away. In the midsts of trying to get away he stabbed me in the arm. During my defense I had to use more force to protect my life and to subdue him for the police. I never tried to exert more than I felt I had to.
Mr. Sleestaxx due to the fact that the plaintiff states in the suit that he was arrested and pled guilty to the vehicle burglary and the past history of this gentleman I am going to dismiss this case and suggest that you bring a case against him for the damage to your vehicle and the injuries that you sustained.
No your honor the bible also states;
Psa 7:17
I will thank the Lord for his justice; I will sing praises to the sovereign Lord!
and in
Psa 36:6
Your justice is like the highest mountains, your fairness like the deepest sea; you preserve mankind and the animal kingdom.
The bible also speaks of the poor and needy
Pro 22:22
Do not exploit a poor person because he is poor and do not crush the needy in court,
I am sure that he was performing the crime because he was needy.
Jer 22:3
The Lord says, “Do what is just and right. Deliver those who have been robbed form those who oppress them. Do not exploit or mistreat foreigners who live in your land, children who have no fathers, or widows. Do not kill innocent people in this land.
Deu 25:2
Then, if the guilty person is sentenced to a beating, the judge shall force him to lie down and be beaten in his presence with the number of blows his wicked behavior deserves.
I will ask you your honor that instead of another law suit tie up your valuable time that maybe during his incarceration he be brought to my church on Thursday for counseling and baptisms. Now although we call them baptisms they are more like physical counseling and behavior therapy. We believe that sometimes behavior therapy is needed and that many counseling hours are needed to bring the unbelievers around to the path of righteousness. Even if he chooses to not follow gods plan for him and decide not to believe in god I believe the therapy will be good for him.
Psa 28:5
For they do not understand the Lord’s actions, or the way he carries out justice. The Lord will permanently demolish them.
Psa 33:5
The Lord promotes equity and justice; the Lord’s faithfulness extends throughout the earth.
That all of god’s children are in need of second chances. I believe that we may be able to reach this young man and bring him around to see the error of his ways and to be a model citizen. We can call some of the time community service as I can use the extra help around the church.
That sounds like a good idea. And if this is successful maybe you can start a new rehabilitation program for my district.
Oh your honor flatters me. I do not know if I can help this one lost soul let alone have the time to attend to the entire jail and to my congregation. Let us just see how this time with this individual works out.
So on Thursdays we will have an exhibition baptism for 10 mines every hour. Between sessions the nice young gentleman will be assisting in the construction of the youth center.
If you have not been by in a while you might want to come by for this. You do not need to commit a sin to come down. You can just come down for a round or two for fun and just some extra education.
Psa 40:10
I have not failed to tell about your justice; I spoke about your reliability and deliverance; I have not neglected to tell the great assembly about your loyal love and faithfulness.
Psa 9:16
The Lord revealed himself; he accomplished justice; the wicked were ensnared by their own actions.
Psa 40:9
I have told the great assembly about your justice. Look! I spare no words! O Lord, you know this is true.
Now at some point the judge may decide that the work done here is too extreme and decide to remove the youth form the program. Until then i encourage everybody to come one down and witness me saving this little turds souls every Thursday form 6:00am to 6:00pm as well as those in our midst that need and want the savings too.
Psa 35:24
Vindicate me by your justice, O Lord my God! Do not let them gloat over me!
Psa 35:28
Then I will tell others about your justice, and praise you all day long.
Coffee, soft drinks and cookies are in the foyer. While you are all gathering and socializing I am going to get into the parking lot and witness to the first person to honk his horn.
I have repeatedly told you all that the members in the parking lot are your family members but you all seem to forget.
So honk and you will receive a special Sunday dose on my salvation.
The teen minister has announced that he is engaged and will be taking a position at a church closer to his fiancée’s family. I will miss him as he is the first to get a knock down. many of you all remember that epic battle when the church first moved into a building instead of a tent.
Go in peace and feel free to honk today.
Psa 45:4
Appear in your majesty and be victorious! Ride forth for the sake of what is right, on behalf of justice! Then your right hand will accomplish mighty acts!
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
You are being sued for the injuries that sustain form encounter with the plaintiff
The plaintiff alleges that you assaulted him without provocation and that this assault caused injuries and the arrest of the plaintiff.
The plaintiff further states that the injuries prevented him form gainful employment and the ability to generate an income.
The plaintiff seeks fifty thousand dollars for medical bills and the loss of income, the plaintiff also asks the court to award another fifty thousand dollars for pain and suffering form the attack and humiliation of the arrest.
Mr Sleestaxx would you wish to make a statement?
Your honor, the plaintiff was caught in the act of breaking to my vehicle. At The moment that I approached the plaintiff he was inside my vehicle.
To say our encounter was without provocation is a prevarication.
Second Peter 2:3
And in their greed they will exploit you with deceptive words. Their condemnation pronounced long ago is not sitting idly by; their destruction is not asleep.
My personal possessions were found on his person. He stood and attacked me with a weapon and injured me. I have a knife wound on my arm form the encounter
Judge Shipley: Is the wound still visible?
Yes it is.
Judge Shipley: Will you please approach the bench so that the wound can be witnessed.
Yes you honor
Judge Shipley: Yes that is a serious wound.
Judge Shipley: Are sure that the plaintiff is responsible for the wound?
Yes the knife was recovered by the officers.
Your honor the bible states
PSA 74:3 Hurry and look at the permanent ruins,
and all the damage the enemy has done to the temple!
And Psalms 74:6 reads And now they are tearing down all its engravings with axes and crowbars.
I saw him pop the lock and damage my vehicle
Rev 9:21
Furthermore, they did not repent of their murders, of their magic spells, of their sexual immorality, or of their stealing.
He was riffling through my personal items. I tried to stop him and he became violent and tried to attack me. I just wanted him to stay there for the police to arrest for the damage and attempted theft of my property.
Psa 37:30
The godly speak wise words and promote justice.
Psa 37:28
For the Lord promotes justice, and never abandons his faithful followers. They are permanently secure, but the children of evil men are wiped out.
Jer 37:14
Jeremiah answered, “That’s a lie! I am not deserting to the Babylonians.” But Irijah would not listen to him. Irijah put Jeremiah under arrest and took him to the officials.
I witnessed him breaking into my car and entering it I approached him and attempted to subdue him for the police but he resisted and tried to get away. In the midsts of trying to get away he stabbed me in the arm. During my defense I had to use more force to protect my life and to subdue him for the police. I never tried to exert more than I felt I had to.
Mr. Sleestaxx due to the fact that the plaintiff states in the suit that he was arrested and pled guilty to the vehicle burglary and the past history of this gentleman I am going to dismiss this case and suggest that you bring a case against him for the damage to your vehicle and the injuries that you sustained.
No your honor the bible also states;
Psa 7:17
I will thank the Lord for his justice; I will sing praises to the sovereign Lord!
and in
Psa 36:6
Your justice is like the highest mountains, your fairness like the deepest sea; you preserve mankind and the animal kingdom.
The bible also speaks of the poor and needy
Pro 22:22
Do not exploit a poor person because he is poor and do not crush the needy in court,
I am sure that he was performing the crime because he was needy.
Jer 22:3
The Lord says, “Do what is just and right. Deliver those who have been robbed form those who oppress them. Do not exploit or mistreat foreigners who live in your land, children who have no fathers, or widows. Do not kill innocent people in this land.
Deu 25:2
Then, if the guilty person is sentenced to a beating, the judge shall force him to lie down and be beaten in his presence with the number of blows his wicked behavior deserves.
I will ask you your honor that instead of another law suit tie up your valuable time that maybe during his incarceration he be brought to my church on Thursday for counseling and baptisms. Now although we call them baptisms they are more like physical counseling and behavior therapy. We believe that sometimes behavior therapy is needed and that many counseling hours are needed to bring the unbelievers around to the path of righteousness. Even if he chooses to not follow gods plan for him and decide not to believe in god I believe the therapy will be good for him.
Psa 28:5
For they do not understand the Lord’s actions, or the way he carries out justice. The Lord will permanently demolish them.
Psa 33:5
The Lord promotes equity and justice; the Lord’s faithfulness extends throughout the earth.
That all of god’s children are in need of second chances. I believe that we may be able to reach this young man and bring him around to see the error of his ways and to be a model citizen. We can call some of the time community service as I can use the extra help around the church.
That sounds like a good idea. And if this is successful maybe you can start a new rehabilitation program for my district.
Oh your honor flatters me. I do not know if I can help this one lost soul let alone have the time to attend to the entire jail and to my congregation. Let us just see how this time with this individual works out.
So on Thursdays we will have an exhibition baptism for 10 mines every hour. Between sessions the nice young gentleman will be assisting in the construction of the youth center.
If you have not been by in a while you might want to come by for this. You do not need to commit a sin to come down. You can just come down for a round or two for fun and just some extra education.
Psa 40:10
I have not failed to tell about your justice; I spoke about your reliability and deliverance; I have not neglected to tell the great assembly about your loyal love and faithfulness.
Psa 9:16
The Lord revealed himself; he accomplished justice; the wicked were ensnared by their own actions.
Psa 40:9
I have told the great assembly about your justice. Look! I spare no words! O Lord, you know this is true.
Now at some point the judge may decide that the work done here is too extreme and decide to remove the youth form the program. Until then i encourage everybody to come one down and witness me saving this little turds souls every Thursday form 6:00am to 6:00pm as well as those in our midst that need and want the savings too.
Psa 35:24
Vindicate me by your justice, O Lord my God! Do not let them gloat over me!
Psa 35:28
Then I will tell others about your justice, and praise you all day long.
Coffee, soft drinks and cookies are in the foyer. While you are all gathering and socializing I am going to get into the parking lot and witness to the first person to honk his horn.
I have repeatedly told you all that the members in the parking lot are your family members but you all seem to forget.
So honk and you will receive a special Sunday dose on my salvation.
The teen minister has announced that he is engaged and will be taking a position at a church closer to his fiancée’s family. I will miss him as he is the first to get a knock down. many of you all remember that epic battle when the church first moved into a building instead of a tent.
Go in peace and feel free to honk today.
Psa 45:4
Appear in your majesty and be victorious! Ride forth for the sake of what is right, on behalf of justice! Then your right hand will accomplish mighty acts!
Zombies and The Lord By Rev J. Sleestaxx
Zombies and The Lord
By Rev J. Sleestaxx
This being the Halloween week I thought a bit of Halloween bible would be appropriate.
So we will talk about what the bible has to say about zombies and cannibalism. But first is it cannibalism for a zombie to eat the living.
To eat the corpses of the dead is called Necrophagy. And cannibalism is the killing and eating of the same species. The bible states that this is practiced in the past.
Lam 4:10 The hands of tenderhearted women cooked their own children, who became their food, when my people were destroyed.
WOW their own children that is harsh. But you got to do what you got to do.
John 6:54 The one who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.
The bible also speaks of zombies. Celebrating Zombies even;
Isa 26:19
Your dead will come back to life; your corpses will rise up. Wake up and shout joyfully, you who live in the ground! For you will grow like plants drenched with the morning dew, and the earth will bring forth its dead spirits.
Wow even the lord and god believe that the dead are allowed to come back and walk and dance and sing. Although zombie purists would say that true zombies can not articulate at all. But the bible's zombies can shout joyfully about being a zombie and grow like plants.
It would appear that being a zombie would be a state in which one would be happy about.
The bible also speaks about feeding zombies and zombie residency.
Deu 14:21
You may not eat any corpse, though you may give it to the resident foreigner who is living in your villages and he may eat it, or you may sell it to a foreigner.
So I guess that if you are a zombie you are no longer a resident of your country. I would guess that that would make sense and that you would automatically become a member of the zombie nation. the lord loves everyone so i imagine that when Jesus died and then became a zombie it was also for the salvation of the undead also.
1Cor 15:29 Otherwise, what will those do who are baptized for the dead? If the dead are not raised at all, then why are they baptized for them?
Mat 22:13 Then the king said to his attendants, ‘Tie him up hand and foot and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth!’ 22:14 For many are called, but few are chosen.”
For one to be "thrown to zombies", sounds to me, to be a celebrated position and one that should relished and a position of pride and stature.
I would think that this is because at some point in the feeding you are now a zombie too and the other zombies stop eating you and then you begin to look for live flesh to consume.
John 6:55 For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink.
The bible even speaks of a whole city of undead.
Eze 11:6
You have killed many people in this city; you have filled its streets with corpses.
Can you imagine the film prospects and television shows that could be generated from a city like this today? There could be a competition reality show of contestants having to navigate though a city of zombies with out becoming one for cash and prizes. All the prizes you obtained could be given to your loved ones should you not make it!
Deu 25:5
If brothers live together and one of them dies without having a son, the dead man’s wife must not remarry someone outside the family. Instead, her late husband’s brother must go to her, marry her, and perform the duty of a brother-in-law.
You could have a MTV real life in Zombieville and the dysfunctional teenagers can fornicate and drink to excess and sin in zombie town. They can have the sinners of the show date some of the zombies. They should not mind since the bible protects them from marring the zombies.
Luk 20:35
But those who are regarded as worthy to share in that age and in the resurrection from the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage.
The sinners and felons in prison who worry about the injection being too painful can be thrown into zombie city. There they can carve out an existence with the undead until they succumb to the ways of the zombie. This would take care of the prison problem, and the zombie feeding problem that would arise.
Eze 39:18
You will eat the flesh of warriors and drink the blood of the princes of the earth – the rams, lambs, goats, and bulls, all of them fattened animals of Bashan.
I could also see the nut cases starting a zombie advocacy group saying the television shows and movies were taking advantage of the zombies and that someone had to speak for them since they can only say brains.
I would imagine this city of zombies is not unlike the malls in the movies, You know where the mall is filled with zombies looking for more flesh and brains to consume. Why the mall?? I personally would try to get away from the rest of the zombie pack and maybe hide in the bushes by like the IRS office. Then I would leap out and grab the auditors as they came by.
No one knows why living flesh is needed but zombies have needed living flesh since the dawn of time. There must be something in the flesh that appeals to zombies. But the bible states that living flesh is indeed needed by zombies.
John 6:53 Jesus said to them, “I tell you the solemn truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in yourselves.
To eat the flesh of the son of man is to give life. So both life and a zombie state is talked about in the bible as being a state one would not mind being in.
But the bible also has instructions on how to kill a zombie. This was written before the shotgun was invented to blow the heads off of fucking bad zombies.
I say bad zombies because I can not think of a reason why the lord would instruct in how to kill a zombie after speaking so highly of the creation and care of zombies. But how to kill a zombie is also talked about.
So I will say these instructions are fro a time when there was only one way to kill a sinning zombie.
Jdg 4:21 Then Jael wife of Heber took a tent peg in one hand and a hammer in the other. She crept up on him, drove the tent peg through his temple into the ground.
The bible also speaks of the living eating zombies and the dead. I can imagine during war and great famines when the lord was angry, that his people would need to eat something and eating the dead and the evil sinners that entered you city or domicile would make complete sense to me and the lord.
Eze 11:7
Therefore, this is what the sovereign Lord says: ‘The corpses you have dumped in the midst of the city are the meat, and this city is the cooking pot.
To be sure that your in fact dealing with a zombie and to be sure that anyone who has comein contact with a zombie is not or is a zombie the bible also leave provisions or a test when one comes in contact with a zombie.
Num 19:11
“‘Whoever touches the corpse of any person will be ceremonially unclean seven days.
I imagine that 7 days is a sufficient time to be sure that the zombie infection has not taken a hold of you. So if you are in a situation where you think that a loved one has been in contact with a zombie you must keep them away for 7 days. if after 7 days they are showing sign of zombie ism then you may break bread and have them in your domicile.
There was a time in history that the lord created 185 thousand zombies over night. I am willing to bet that this was around Halloween.
Isa 37:36
The Lord’s messenger went out and killed 185,000 troops in the Assyrian camp. When they got up early the next morning, they were all corpses!
Now did he bring them back after Halloween? The bible does not say so. But I can imagine that it would suck to wake up and be dead.
Maybe we will find out on the morning of the 31st. Maybe the lord will turn us all into the undead for Halloween. We can wake up dead on one day and wake up alive on the next. We will all have a better appreciation for being alive after being dead for a day.
Plus I bet you can get a free personal day from work if you can say that you were dead.
So when the 31st rolls around do not be surprised if you wake up dead. Do not be surprised by the dead knocking at your door. And be mindful of the malls during this time also.
The church will be offering candy at a Halloween fair for the kids since there are too many fucking freaks out there. If you do not want to risk taking your wonderful devils witches angels and movies heroes out in the neighborhood bring them on down to the fair.
We will have a haunted house, a jumping thingy and we will also have a marathon boxing lesson for any of the kids.
The street evangelizing has been very successful and we have beat the lord into many of the thugs and sinners in the city over the past month.
We have had a large turnout in the applications for deaconship and I would like to announce that the first female deacon has been accepted.
Please welcome Shannon Lark as the first female deacon. I am sure that you will all make her feel welcome.
Please find the time to stop in the foyer and welcome slash congratulate her on the position
By Rev J. Sleestaxx
This being the Halloween week I thought a bit of Halloween bible would be appropriate.
So we will talk about what the bible has to say about zombies and cannibalism. But first is it cannibalism for a zombie to eat the living.
To eat the corpses of the dead is called Necrophagy. And cannibalism is the killing and eating of the same species. The bible states that this is practiced in the past.
Lam 4:10 The hands of tenderhearted women cooked their own children, who became their food, when my people were destroyed.
WOW their own children that is harsh. But you got to do what you got to do.
John 6:54 The one who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.
The bible also speaks of zombies. Celebrating Zombies even;
Isa 26:19
Your dead will come back to life; your corpses will rise up. Wake up and shout joyfully, you who live in the ground! For you will grow like plants drenched with the morning dew, and the earth will bring forth its dead spirits.
Wow even the lord and god believe that the dead are allowed to come back and walk and dance and sing. Although zombie purists would say that true zombies can not articulate at all. But the bible's zombies can shout joyfully about being a zombie and grow like plants.
It would appear that being a zombie would be a state in which one would be happy about.
The bible also speaks about feeding zombies and zombie residency.
Deu 14:21
You may not eat any corpse, though you may give it to the resident foreigner who is living in your villages and he may eat it, or you may sell it to a foreigner.
So I guess that if you are a zombie you are no longer a resident of your country. I would guess that that would make sense and that you would automatically become a member of the zombie nation. the lord loves everyone so i imagine that when Jesus died and then became a zombie it was also for the salvation of the undead also.
1Cor 15:29 Otherwise, what will those do who are baptized for the dead? If the dead are not raised at all, then why are they baptized for them?
Mat 22:13 Then the king said to his attendants, ‘Tie him up hand and foot and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth!’ 22:14 For many are called, but few are chosen.”
For one to be "thrown to zombies", sounds to me, to be a celebrated position and one that should relished and a position of pride and stature.
I would think that this is because at some point in the feeding you are now a zombie too and the other zombies stop eating you and then you begin to look for live flesh to consume.
John 6:55 For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink.
The bible even speaks of a whole city of undead.
Eze 11:6
You have killed many people in this city; you have filled its streets with corpses.
Can you imagine the film prospects and television shows that could be generated from a city like this today? There could be a competition reality show of contestants having to navigate though a city of zombies with out becoming one for cash and prizes. All the prizes you obtained could be given to your loved ones should you not make it!
Deu 25:5
If brothers live together and one of them dies without having a son, the dead man’s wife must not remarry someone outside the family. Instead, her late husband’s brother must go to her, marry her, and perform the duty of a brother-in-law.
You could have a MTV real life in Zombieville and the dysfunctional teenagers can fornicate and drink to excess and sin in zombie town. They can have the sinners of the show date some of the zombies. They should not mind since the bible protects them from marring the zombies.
Luk 20:35
But those who are regarded as worthy to share in that age and in the resurrection from the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage.
The sinners and felons in prison who worry about the injection being too painful can be thrown into zombie city. There they can carve out an existence with the undead until they succumb to the ways of the zombie. This would take care of the prison problem, and the zombie feeding problem that would arise.
Eze 39:18
You will eat the flesh of warriors and drink the blood of the princes of the earth – the rams, lambs, goats, and bulls, all of them fattened animals of Bashan.
I could also see the nut cases starting a zombie advocacy group saying the television shows and movies were taking advantage of the zombies and that someone had to speak for them since they can only say brains.
I would imagine this city of zombies is not unlike the malls in the movies, You know where the mall is filled with zombies looking for more flesh and brains to consume. Why the mall?? I personally would try to get away from the rest of the zombie pack and maybe hide in the bushes by like the IRS office. Then I would leap out and grab the auditors as they came by.
No one knows why living flesh is needed but zombies have needed living flesh since the dawn of time. There must be something in the flesh that appeals to zombies. But the bible states that living flesh is indeed needed by zombies.
John 6:53 Jesus said to them, “I tell you the solemn truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in yourselves.
To eat the flesh of the son of man is to give life. So both life and a zombie state is talked about in the bible as being a state one would not mind being in.
But the bible also has instructions on how to kill a zombie. This was written before the shotgun was invented to blow the heads off of fucking bad zombies.
I say bad zombies because I can not think of a reason why the lord would instruct in how to kill a zombie after speaking so highly of the creation and care of zombies. But how to kill a zombie is also talked about.
So I will say these instructions are fro a time when there was only one way to kill a sinning zombie.
Jdg 4:21 Then Jael wife of Heber took a tent peg in one hand and a hammer in the other. She crept up on him, drove the tent peg through his temple into the ground.
The bible also speaks of the living eating zombies and the dead. I can imagine during war and great famines when the lord was angry, that his people would need to eat something and eating the dead and the evil sinners that entered you city or domicile would make complete sense to me and the lord.
Eze 11:7
Therefore, this is what the sovereign Lord says: ‘The corpses you have dumped in the midst of the city are the meat, and this city is the cooking pot.
To be sure that your in fact dealing with a zombie and to be sure that anyone who has comein contact with a zombie is not or is a zombie the bible also leave provisions or a test when one comes in contact with a zombie.
Num 19:11
“‘Whoever touches the corpse of any person will be ceremonially unclean seven days.
I imagine that 7 days is a sufficient time to be sure that the zombie infection has not taken a hold of you. So if you are in a situation where you think that a loved one has been in contact with a zombie you must keep them away for 7 days. if after 7 days they are showing sign of zombie ism then you may break bread and have them in your domicile.
There was a time in history that the lord created 185 thousand zombies over night. I am willing to bet that this was around Halloween.
Isa 37:36
The Lord’s messenger went out and killed 185,000 troops in the Assyrian camp. When they got up early the next morning, they were all corpses!
Now did he bring them back after Halloween? The bible does not say so. But I can imagine that it would suck to wake up and be dead.
Maybe we will find out on the morning of the 31st. Maybe the lord will turn us all into the undead for Halloween. We can wake up dead on one day and wake up alive on the next. We will all have a better appreciation for being alive after being dead for a day.
Plus I bet you can get a free personal day from work if you can say that you were dead.
So when the 31st rolls around do not be surprised if you wake up dead. Do not be surprised by the dead knocking at your door. And be mindful of the malls during this time also.
The church will be offering candy at a Halloween fair for the kids since there are too many fucking freaks out there. If you do not want to risk taking your wonderful devils witches angels and movies heroes out in the neighborhood bring them on down to the fair.
We will have a haunted house, a jumping thingy and we will also have a marathon boxing lesson for any of the kids.
The street evangelizing has been very successful and we have beat the lord into many of the thugs and sinners in the city over the past month.
We have had a large turnout in the applications for deaconship and I would like to announce that the first female deacon has been accepted.
Please welcome Shannon Lark as the first female deacon. I am sure that you will all make her feel welcome.
Please find the time to stop in the foyer and welcome slash congratulate her on the position
Men and women are different Duh! By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Gen 1:27
God created humankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them.
Women and men are different we all know this.
Gen 1:26
Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, after our likeness, so they may rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move on the earth.”
Women and men are different we all know this
Gen 2:5
Now no shrub of the field had yet grown on the earth, and no plant of the field had yet sprouted, for the Lord God had not caused it to rain on the earth, and there was no man to cultivate the ground. 2:6 Springs would well up from the earth and water the whole surface of the ground. 2:7 The Lord God formed the man from the soil of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
Women and men are different we all know this
Gen 2:18
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion for him who corresponds to him.” 2:19 The Lord God formed out of the ground every living animal of the field and every bird of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them, and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 2:20 So the man named all the animals, the birds of the air, and the living creatures of the field, but for Adam no companion who corresponded to him was found. 2:21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was asleep, he took part of the
man’s side and closed up the place with flesh. 2:22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the part he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
Women and men are different we all know this because
Gen 2:23
Then the man said, “This one at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one will be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”
Women and men are different we all know this and unless you suffer from penis envy or vagina jealousy you will admit this to be right.
Women are the ones that learn socializing and men are the ones that carve out environments.
Exo 15:20
Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a hand-drum in her hand, and all the women went out after her with hand-drums and with dances.
Num 25:2
These women invited the people to the sacrifices of their gods; then the people ate and bowed down to their gods.
This is cultural and is started at birth and enforced through out childhood. Women have dolls like women; they have dolls that look like babies. They have men dolls that look more gay than the threatening dinosaur killers real men are. The men dolls do not look like they can drain a swap and raise a plantation out of swamp land. The men dolls do not look like they plow 40 fucking acres and build a barn in a summer. These sad pathetic watered down versions do not portray the power and success that the creators of the modern industrialized world have and exude. Instead they make a doll that is not sexually threatening for the tea parties and the social games that women play.
Women have internal sex organs they are internal creatures they are always asking “what are you thinking?” men ask “what are you doing?” They have tea parties and feed their dolls imaginary tea with air biscuits that are sprinkled with the pollutants of the house and the molecules of the cleaning products. They chat online and socialize at school.
Exo 12:17
So you will keep the Feast of Unleavened Bread, because on this very day I brought your regiments out from the land of Egypt, and so you must keep this day perpetually as a lasting ordinance.
Gen 4:23
Lamech said to his wives, “Adah and Zillah! Listen to me! You wives of Lamech, hear my words! I have killed a man for wounding me, a young man for hurting me.
Think back to the cliques that you belonged to and the ones you wished accepted you. There was a girl in the core of that and every group. Why? Because girls are the ones that develop soft skills while men learn to make tools, and beat on the environment until the environment succumbs and relents to the master of the galaxy.
Men have and use tools, they have external sex organs, they bang, twist, lift and screw their environment to own it, to manipulate it, to make the world livable, while women hang the drapes.
Gen 4:22
Now Zillah also gave birth to Tubal-Cain, who heated metal and shaped all kinds of tools made of bronze and iron.
Why do games appeal to men? They are filled with violence and sex for a reason. It is about environment. It is about controlling and willing an environment to do the master's bidding.
Gen 2:20
So the man named all the animals, the birds of the air, and the living creatures of the field.
Gen 1:26
Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, after our likeness, so they may rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move on the earth.”
There are gamers that will spend 100 hours learning to exploit the physics of a game so that they can make their avatar jump farther that any programmer planned. And what does this jump have to do with the play of the game?? It is the fact that the gamer owns the environment; they are making the environment work for them. They now have an edge on the competition they now can create an atmosphere of super human abilities and intimidation that can be used to conquer and vanquish their enemy. The point is that men carve out and beat into submission their surroundings so that the environment is habitable that is what men do that is why we have houses and not caves. Our houses are structures of steel wood and stone and not made of mud. Men created tools to shape the building materials of his environment to his liking.
Some men have said that because there are more men in a career field women are hired so that there is a balance in ratios. That even though there is a man better qualified for the position the company may hire the women so that they (the company) looks like it is equitable in their hiring practices.
To fault men because women are moving into careers that require soft skills and not into positions that use tools and science is not right and against nature and God’s plan.
Confessions are now moved to Wednesdays to make time for all the baptisms on Thursdays. The turn out has been great.
I have been requested to come to many homes to speak with the teenagers that do not follow the church and are in need of special counseling. I am beginning to find a theme emerging and I see that there may be need of a series of teachings regarding teenage sex, drug use and what the responsibilities of the parents are in regards to teens that do not follow the doctrines of the church.
I will of course do everything in my power to bring these unwashed sinful heathens back into the fold of the church and god's brutal but fair and wondrous love. The teen center has started new construction thanks to the many wondrous donations and ticket sales to the girls' boxing matches.
The single mothers support group is in need of a few handymen to assist in some round the house repairs for a number of the members. This is a good time for some of the married women to get rid of their husbands for a time and also a good opportunity for some of the single men to get some husbandly practice for the time that you will be married.
Deu 10:18
Who justly treats the orphan and widow, and who loves resident foreigners, giving them food and clothing.
Mal 3:5
“I will come to you in judgment. I will be quick to testify against those who practice divination, those who commit adultery, those who break promises, and those who exploit workers, widows, and orphans, who refuse to help the immigrant and in this way show they do not fear me,” says the Lord who rules over all.
You know no matter what I say about the parking lot you all decide that you have been to confession, You have taken your licks on Thursday, and now you have sat through my lectures and sermons so now you are going to go out into the parking lot and cut your neighbor off, cuss at that nice old lady who brought you cookies last week. You all need to slow down some take your time going home. Think about how god would leave the parking lot and try to leave the parking lot like that.
Amen and go in peace.
God created humankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them.
Women and men are different we all know this.
Gen 1:26
Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, after our likeness, so they may rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move on the earth.”
Women and men are different we all know this
Gen 2:5
Now no shrub of the field had yet grown on the earth, and no plant of the field had yet sprouted, for the Lord God had not caused it to rain on the earth, and there was no man to cultivate the ground. 2:6 Springs would well up from the earth and water the whole surface of the ground. 2:7 The Lord God formed the man from the soil of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
Women and men are different we all know this
Gen 2:18
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion for him who corresponds to him.” 2:19 The Lord God formed out of the ground every living animal of the field and every bird of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them, and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 2:20 So the man named all the animals, the birds of the air, and the living creatures of the field, but for Adam no companion who corresponded to him was found. 2:21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was asleep, he took part of the
man’s side and closed up the place with flesh. 2:22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the part he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
Women and men are different we all know this because
Gen 2:23
Then the man said, “This one at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one will be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”
Women and men are different we all know this and unless you suffer from penis envy or vagina jealousy you will admit this to be right.
Women are the ones that learn socializing and men are the ones that carve out environments.
Exo 15:20
Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a hand-drum in her hand, and all the women went out after her with hand-drums and with dances.
Num 25:2
These women invited the people to the sacrifices of their gods; then the people ate and bowed down to their gods.
This is cultural and is started at birth and enforced through out childhood. Women have dolls like women; they have dolls that look like babies. They have men dolls that look more gay than the threatening dinosaur killers real men are. The men dolls do not look like they can drain a swap and raise a plantation out of swamp land. The men dolls do not look like they plow 40 fucking acres and build a barn in a summer. These sad pathetic watered down versions do not portray the power and success that the creators of the modern industrialized world have and exude. Instead they make a doll that is not sexually threatening for the tea parties and the social games that women play.
Women have internal sex organs they are internal creatures they are always asking “what are you thinking?” men ask “what are you doing?” They have tea parties and feed their dolls imaginary tea with air biscuits that are sprinkled with the pollutants of the house and the molecules of the cleaning products. They chat online and socialize at school.
Exo 12:17
So you will keep the Feast of Unleavened Bread, because on this very day I brought your regiments out from the land of Egypt, and so you must keep this day perpetually as a lasting ordinance.
Gen 4:23
Lamech said to his wives, “Adah and Zillah! Listen to me! You wives of Lamech, hear my words! I have killed a man for wounding me, a young man for hurting me.
Think back to the cliques that you belonged to and the ones you wished accepted you. There was a girl in the core of that and every group. Why? Because girls are the ones that develop soft skills while men learn to make tools, and beat on the environment until the environment succumbs and relents to the master of the galaxy.
Men have and use tools, they have external sex organs, they bang, twist, lift and screw their environment to own it, to manipulate it, to make the world livable, while women hang the drapes.
Gen 4:22
Now Zillah also gave birth to Tubal-Cain, who heated metal and shaped all kinds of tools made of bronze and iron.
Why do games appeal to men? They are filled with violence and sex for a reason. It is about environment. It is about controlling and willing an environment to do the master's bidding.
Gen 2:20
So the man named all the animals, the birds of the air, and the living creatures of the field.
Gen 1:26
Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, after our likeness, so they may rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move on the earth.”
There are gamers that will spend 100 hours learning to exploit the physics of a game so that they can make their avatar jump farther that any programmer planned. And what does this jump have to do with the play of the game?? It is the fact that the gamer owns the environment; they are making the environment work for them. They now have an edge on the competition they now can create an atmosphere of super human abilities and intimidation that can be used to conquer and vanquish their enemy. The point is that men carve out and beat into submission their surroundings so that the environment is habitable that is what men do that is why we have houses and not caves. Our houses are structures of steel wood and stone and not made of mud. Men created tools to shape the building materials of his environment to his liking.
Some men have said that because there are more men in a career field women are hired so that there is a balance in ratios. That even though there is a man better qualified for the position the company may hire the women so that they (the company) looks like it is equitable in their hiring practices.
To fault men because women are moving into careers that require soft skills and not into positions that use tools and science is not right and against nature and God’s plan.
Confessions are now moved to Wednesdays to make time for all the baptisms on Thursdays. The turn out has been great.
I have been requested to come to many homes to speak with the teenagers that do not follow the church and are in need of special counseling. I am beginning to find a theme emerging and I see that there may be need of a series of teachings regarding teenage sex, drug use and what the responsibilities of the parents are in regards to teens that do not follow the doctrines of the church.
I will of course do everything in my power to bring these unwashed sinful heathens back into the fold of the church and god's brutal but fair and wondrous love. The teen center has started new construction thanks to the many wondrous donations and ticket sales to the girls' boxing matches.
The single mothers support group is in need of a few handymen to assist in some round the house repairs for a number of the members. This is a good time for some of the married women to get rid of their husbands for a time and also a good opportunity for some of the single men to get some husbandly practice for the time that you will be married.
Deu 10:18
Who justly treats the orphan and widow, and who loves resident foreigners, giving them food and clothing.
Mal 3:5
“I will come to you in judgment. I will be quick to testify against those who practice divination, those who commit adultery, those who break promises, and those who exploit workers, widows, and orphans, who refuse to help the immigrant and in this way show they do not fear me,” says the Lord who rules over all.
You know no matter what I say about the parking lot you all decide that you have been to confession, You have taken your licks on Thursday, and now you have sat through my lectures and sermons so now you are going to go out into the parking lot and cut your neighbor off, cuss at that nice old lady who brought you cookies last week. You all need to slow down some take your time going home. Think about how god would leave the parking lot and try to leave the parking lot like that.
Amen and go in peace.
Making tomorrow better by baptizing them today.
Making tomorrow better by baptizing them today.
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
I am taking the love of the baptism to the streets and I am beating god's word into the youth of today to make a better tomorrow.
Hosea 4
4:1 Hear the word of the Lord, you Israelites!
For the Lord has a covenant lawsuit against the people of Israel.
For there is neither faithfulness nor loyalty in the land,
nor do they acknowledge God.
You can not go through life ignoring God and God's will. To do so will evoke a lawsuit from God himself against you in the highest court of courts.
I am here to represent you in that trial. And that is why I have Baptismal Beatings every Thursday. You are supposed to come down to the rectory, confess your transgressions while I box your ears in. You are suppose to fight back because God Only helps those that help themselves and well how am I to get better if you act the pussy and not fight back. You will not win. You will get the crap beat out of you but you will have your sins atoned and your penance will be noted in the "Big Book".
Sam 22:39
I wipe them out and beat them to death; they cannot get up; they fall at my feet.
Like Balaam in Numbers
Num 22:23
And the donkey saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road with his sword drawn in his hand, so the donkey turned aside from the road and went into the field. But Balaam beat the donkey, to make her turn back to the road.
god and the lord have given me the power to beat you all who need it. They also command the beatings to occur
Luk 12:47
That servant who knew his master’s will but did not get ready or do what his master asked will receive a severe beating.
Hosea 4
4:2 There is only cursing, lying, murder, stealing, and adultery.
They resort to violence and bloodshed.
4:3 Therefore the land will mourn,
and all its inhabitants will perish.
The wild animals, the birds of the sky,
and even the fish in the sea will perish.
god and the lord have stated that these things shall come to pass and the news have proven that these things are happening today. There are animals and fish that go extinct everyday.
The time is at hand are you going to hell for the crimes you have committed or would you rather have representation and receive the gift of eternal bliss?
I feel the need to save everyone I come into contact with that I have begun to take my baptismal to the street. I now believe the time to beat god into every stupid sinner I find.
Why just the other day I was walking to the store and I passed some teenage boys. Now we have all seen these fucking morons, you know the pants too big and balanced on the ass displaying the brown shit stain in their underwear. Well they passed me and one stated that I should watch where I am going and bumped into my shoulder and pressed me into the wall of the building.
I jumped back and stated that the lord has placed you on the path to savior and that they are about to see the lord god himself.
They laughed and asked me what the hell I was talking about?
I told them they are about to received some joyous love from the angry lord and I punched one in the nose. His nose sort of flattened and then began to gush the red liquid of life onto the white tee shirt he was wearing.
He cried "Oh God what the hell was that for?"
I turned to his other two friends who were clearly confused by the swiftness of the warrior standing before them.
I spoke "See your friend is already beginning to see the lord and is now beginning the healing of their relationship by speaking to him now!" and I round house kick the nearest stupid thug and he dropped, after my heel thumped the juggler vein in his neck.
His third partner in stupidity snapped to and pulled out a gun and said “I do not know drugs you have that make you think you are super but I have your kryptonite right here bitch!"
I out stretched my hands and said, "Son the lord only wants you all back into the fold" and I stepped in just then the thug on the ground moaned and the one with the gun said hey gee you alright? And Gee moaned.
The thug looked down sand at the same instant I slapped my hand against the pistol hand of the sinner and a shot rang. he looked at me and I told him "Praise the lord for you have received a second chance at salvation." and with great love for my fellow man I lovingly placed one hand at the base of his neck and with the other I began to beat on this fucktard's forehead like it was a wad of bread dough
Gen 18:6
So Abraham hurried into the tent and said to Sarah, “Quick! Take three measures of fine flour, knead it, and make bread.”
The one that was gushing the red life force from his nose blinked the water out of his eyes and charged us both. He got a week right hand punch into my left ear causing the lord's voice to ring, "You sir have been chosen to save these souls, You must save them now or they shall be lost for ever." My hand that was on the neck on the pistol thug arched backwards in the best pimp slap ever slapped against a stupid bitch. The pistol thug dropped to his knees screaming "Oh God Oh god" and I looked upon him and yelled with the voice of god, "There young man you do see the light! Go now to church and tell your pastor that you have been beaten by god himself and that you are to be received into heaven."
The thug that rushed me charged again and I slapped my right hand onto his forehead with such force that he dropped to his knees also and I said," Dear lord please receive this imbecile servant and forgive him for his transgressions." and I brought my right knee to his face. He dropped backward in an awkward heap sputtering red juice and heaving in a primal throaty sound that I can only tell you was tongues.
You see as my knee christened his face the energy of the Holy Ghost filled him and he was imbued with the knowledge of the prophet of the bible.
1Co 14:5
I wish you all spoke in tongues, but even more that you would prophesy. The one who prophesies is greater than the one who speaks in tongues, unless he interprets so that the church may be strengthened.
I can not tell you the wondrous joy I felt as I heard these three sinners find their way to the lord.
The blood and the pain and the love and the joy that was being spilled out there on the sidewalk made them all weep. It was a truly beautiful moment.
You all would be proud and fearful for your pastor that day fro he truly brought the lord's can of whoop ass to those thugs.
I just got the call from their pastor and he wanted to know what I said to them. I told him it was not me it was the lord’s hand that touched them and it was a beautiful thing.
We both wept with joy and happiness from the love that we felt for one another and then I invited him down for a Thursday baptism. He was happy to accept the invitation and if he can still think properly we may start a church boxing league on Mondays.
The kitchen has been serving some mighty fine lunches to the legal residents of this great nation and city. They are in need of food donations and some volunteers. I want to remind you all that time and donations at the church do not go un-noticed and that on Thursdays the gloves change based on time served.
Please respect and show love and compassion in the parking lot today as you all leave.
Amen and god bless.
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
I am taking the love of the baptism to the streets and I am beating god's word into the youth of today to make a better tomorrow.
Hosea 4
4:1 Hear the word of the Lord, you Israelites!
For the Lord has a covenant lawsuit against the people of Israel.
For there is neither faithfulness nor loyalty in the land,
nor do they acknowledge God.
You can not go through life ignoring God and God's will. To do so will evoke a lawsuit from God himself against you in the highest court of courts.
I am here to represent you in that trial. And that is why I have Baptismal Beatings every Thursday. You are supposed to come down to the rectory, confess your transgressions while I box your ears in. You are suppose to fight back because God Only helps those that help themselves and well how am I to get better if you act the pussy and not fight back. You will not win. You will get the crap beat out of you but you will have your sins atoned and your penance will be noted in the "Big Book".
Sam 22:39
I wipe them out and beat them to death; they cannot get up; they fall at my feet.
Like Balaam in Numbers
Num 22:23
And the donkey saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road with his sword drawn in his hand, so the donkey turned aside from the road and went into the field. But Balaam beat the donkey, to make her turn back to the road.
god and the lord have given me the power to beat you all who need it. They also command the beatings to occur
Luk 12:47
That servant who knew his master’s will but did not get ready or do what his master asked will receive a severe beating.
Hosea 4
4:2 There is only cursing, lying, murder, stealing, and adultery.
They resort to violence and bloodshed.
4:3 Therefore the land will mourn,
and all its inhabitants will perish.
The wild animals, the birds of the sky,
and even the fish in the sea will perish.
god and the lord have stated that these things shall come to pass and the news have proven that these things are happening today. There are animals and fish that go extinct everyday.
The time is at hand are you going to hell for the crimes you have committed or would you rather have representation and receive the gift of eternal bliss?
I feel the need to save everyone I come into contact with that I have begun to take my baptismal to the street. I now believe the time to beat god into every stupid sinner I find.
Why just the other day I was walking to the store and I passed some teenage boys. Now we have all seen these fucking morons, you know the pants too big and balanced on the ass displaying the brown shit stain in their underwear. Well they passed me and one stated that I should watch where I am going and bumped into my shoulder and pressed me into the wall of the building.
I jumped back and stated that the lord has placed you on the path to savior and that they are about to see the lord god himself.
They laughed and asked me what the hell I was talking about?
I told them they are about to received some joyous love from the angry lord and I punched one in the nose. His nose sort of flattened and then began to gush the red liquid of life onto the white tee shirt he was wearing.
He cried "Oh God what the hell was that for?"
I turned to his other two friends who were clearly confused by the swiftness of the warrior standing before them.
I spoke "See your friend is already beginning to see the lord and is now beginning the healing of their relationship by speaking to him now!" and I round house kick the nearest stupid thug and he dropped, after my heel thumped the juggler vein in his neck.
His third partner in stupidity snapped to and pulled out a gun and said “I do not know drugs you have that make you think you are super but I have your kryptonite right here bitch!"
I out stretched my hands and said, "Son the lord only wants you all back into the fold" and I stepped in just then the thug on the ground moaned and the one with the gun said hey gee you alright? And Gee moaned.
The thug looked down sand at the same instant I slapped my hand against the pistol hand of the sinner and a shot rang. he looked at me and I told him "Praise the lord for you have received a second chance at salvation." and with great love for my fellow man I lovingly placed one hand at the base of his neck and with the other I began to beat on this fucktard's forehead like it was a wad of bread dough
Gen 18:6
So Abraham hurried into the tent and said to Sarah, “Quick! Take three measures of fine flour, knead it, and make bread.”
The one that was gushing the red life force from his nose blinked the water out of his eyes and charged us both. He got a week right hand punch into my left ear causing the lord's voice to ring, "You sir have been chosen to save these souls, You must save them now or they shall be lost for ever." My hand that was on the neck on the pistol thug arched backwards in the best pimp slap ever slapped against a stupid bitch. The pistol thug dropped to his knees screaming "Oh God Oh god" and I looked upon him and yelled with the voice of god, "There young man you do see the light! Go now to church and tell your pastor that you have been beaten by god himself and that you are to be received into heaven."
The thug that rushed me charged again and I slapped my right hand onto his forehead with such force that he dropped to his knees also and I said," Dear lord please receive this imbecile servant and forgive him for his transgressions." and I brought my right knee to his face. He dropped backward in an awkward heap sputtering red juice and heaving in a primal throaty sound that I can only tell you was tongues.
You see as my knee christened his face the energy of the Holy Ghost filled him and he was imbued with the knowledge of the prophet of the bible.
1Co 14:5
I wish you all spoke in tongues, but even more that you would prophesy. The one who prophesies is greater than the one who speaks in tongues, unless he interprets so that the church may be strengthened.
I can not tell you the wondrous joy I felt as I heard these three sinners find their way to the lord.
The blood and the pain and the love and the joy that was being spilled out there on the sidewalk made them all weep. It was a truly beautiful moment.
You all would be proud and fearful for your pastor that day fro he truly brought the lord's can of whoop ass to those thugs.
I just got the call from their pastor and he wanted to know what I said to them. I told him it was not me it was the lord’s hand that touched them and it was a beautiful thing.
We both wept with joy and happiness from the love that we felt for one another and then I invited him down for a Thursday baptism. He was happy to accept the invitation and if he can still think properly we may start a church boxing league on Mondays.
The kitchen has been serving some mighty fine lunches to the legal residents of this great nation and city. They are in need of food donations and some volunteers. I want to remind you all that time and donations at the church do not go un-noticed and that on Thursdays the gloves change based on time served.
Please respect and show love and compassion in the parking lot today as you all leave.
Amen and god bless.
Your Boss Is Going To Hell
Your Boss is going to hell.
A sermon of false prophets and losses
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Hosea 4
4:4 Do not let anyone accuse or contend against anyone else:
for my case is against you priests!
4:5 You stumble day and night,
and the false prophets stumble with you;
You have destroyed your own people!
Your bosses are the false priests of our time that god so despises and loathes. These false priests speak to the leaders of families and bestow upon them the word of false readings and false gods. The family leaders are then fooled into believing that if they commit more time at their temple and assists in the building of this temple that their false god will give them salvation.
4:6 You have destroyed my people
by failing to acknowledge me!
Because you refuse to acknowledge me,
I will reject you as my priests.
Because you reject the law of your God,
I will reject your descendants.
4:7 The more the priests increased in numbers,
the more they rebelled against me.
They have turned their glorious calling
into a shameful disgrace!
But while these fools work the temple leaders are taking everything out the backdoor to their home and filling their domiciles with plush extravagant excess that is not truly needed by them or anyone else on god's planet. They do not care that the items that they surround themselves with are excess, are wasteful they do not care that the monies that they spend on their excesses could be better spent assisting their fellow man.
The bosses are in a game or race to obtain as much material wealth that they have forgotten the love of god and the lord, they have forsaken their joy and happiness of their family and they marry themselves the yoke that is a 60 hour a week job. They call it a career but the bind and the sores are the same. They become so bowed by the shear weight of their desire that the lose sight of the prize and the horizon. They become obsessed with the material and the false happiness.
4:8 They feed on the sin offerings of my people;
their appetites long for their iniquity!
4:9 I will deal with the people and priests together:
I will punish them both for their ways,
and I will repay them for their deeds.
That means that your boss is going to hell! That should make you happy! It makes me filled with joy and sorrow. The sorrow is from the fact that if they come down on Thursday that I could beat some salvation into them and that they may have the opportunity to see the light and find the path back to happiness.
Before god can smite them with the fiery justice that we all know that god has in mind for the sinners. But I can tell you he has greater punishment for the ones that betray him and lead his children with false promises
4:10 They will eat, but not be satisfied;
they will engage in prostitution, but not increase in numbers;
because they have abandoned the Lord
4:11 Old and new wine take away the understanding of my people.
4:12 They consult their wooden idols,
and their diviner’s staff answers with an oracle.
The wind of prostitution blows them astray;
they commit spiritual adultery against their God.
4:13 They sacrifice on the mountaintops,
and burn offerings on the hills;
they sacrifice under oak, poplar, and terebinth,
because their shade is so pleasant.
As a result, your daughters have become cult prostitutes,
and your daughters-in-law commit adultery!
Oh the shame these men in offices must feel when they realize that their sons have married women who are committing adultery. The shame they must feel when they find their daughters committing sex for prophet (small pun intended). They are going to become old and feeble, unable to feel the warmth of loved ones because they have surrounded them selves with the false temple and the false idols of their false god. The wall will keep the ones they love away and distracted while they become cold and crazy from lack of human contact.
They will be strapped into the internet with their obscure porn of unknown weird twisted portrayal of what one may think humans are but in reality they are just filling the area that god would have filled with love with some sick pleasure that only one going to hell would be able to appreciate.
4:14 I will not punish your daughters when they commit prostitution,
nor your daughters-in-law when they commit adultery.
For the men consort with harlots,
they sacrifice with temple prostitutes.
This does not mean that you women are allowed to become prostitutes or commit adultery should your husband be led astray by the wiles and guiles of the office tramp.
The tramp is a cultic prostitute. She weaves her black sex magic in the office that is now the new false god temple. The false god being the almighty dollar. These evil men who think they need the dollar more than their god and they forsake their god and their family to obtain the dirty filthy icon of wealth. The dollar is nothing more than the golden cow of Moses' time. This dollar is not the reason to work the reason to work is to provide your family the shelter and nourishment so that they can grow up and go out and carry the good word of the lord.
By forgetting the purpose of your placement on earth you have lost your way and need the beatings to get back into the good graces of god and the lord. The baptismal beatings are fro your soul, the confession is for your mind and the donations are for the furthering of gods work and the lords way.
I bring up donations because the evil twisted men who are the false priests have decided that many if not all of us do not need an increase of compensation for the time wasted spent at the temple.
Please think about the donation as an opportunity to assist in god's work. This will help offset the work and damage done by the false gods and the false priests that make us work too much. The tithe that the church receives will go to support the church and the work that the church does. The church is in need of a new boxing ring and gloves. The teen center is in need of some new movies and belts for the boys.
This brings another thing to mind
YOU BOYS NEED TO LIFT YOUR FREAKEN PANTS UP! GET A GOD DAMN BELT ON AND HOLD THE PANTS ABOVE THE BUTT CRACK! THERE IS NOT A FEMALE ON THIS PLANET THAT FINDS YOUR UNDERWARE ATTRACTIVE!
4:15 Although you, O Israel, commit adultery,
do not let Judah become guilty!
Do not journey to Gilgal!
Do not go up to Beth Aven!
Do not swear, “As surely as the Lord lives!”
The Lord told me to smite your boss. I will beat god into your boss. I want to save the soul of your boss. I want to perform god's work and convert these false priests into real men of god.
Bring your boss down on Thursday after the client dinner and I will beat the lord into them. They will feel lighter from the grace of god and the loss of shit when I have beaten the shit out of them. They need to see god's way. They need to understand god's plan. They have lost sight of the real prize, their wall of consumerism is too grand for you to reach them now the only savior they have is me and my fives.
We will let them strap on the twelve’s and in the end they will see god and speak in the tongues of the true profits and realize the losses they had were tremendous.
4:16 Israel has rebelled like a stubborn heifer!
Soon the Lord will put them out to pasture
like a lamb in a broad field!
4:17 Ephraim has attached himself to idols;
Do not go near him! The Shameful Sinners Will Be Brought to Shame
4:18 They consume their alcohol,
then engage in cult prostitution;
they dearly love their shameful behavior.
4:19 A whirlwind has wrapped them in its wings;
they will be brought to shame because of their idolatrous worship.
[Bang on the podium]Do not get lost in the idolatrous worship.
[Bang on the podium]Do not forget to love your family.
[Bang on the podium]Do not lose sight of the prize.
[Bang on the podium]Do not forget to donate and assist in god's work.
[Bang on the podium]Do not forget to tell your boss to [holding up the middle finger] FUCK OFF!
Amen and hallelujah
The attendance in the Thursday’s baptismal beatings has never been better but I am starting to see more of the women and less of the men. I am told that this is because the men are trying to close the quarter and the year.
The men need to come by on Thursdays even more if they are working more at the office with the office harlots and tramps. Men do not forget that these women with loose morals are the tools of the false priests to suck you into their depraved world of work and chasing the almighty dollar and for about the almighty lord.
Remember your god can kick your boss's god's ass any fucking day of the week.
Your pastor standing here before you today can beat the tar out of any CEO on the planet and still have the strength to save lives and souls after the match.
Do not get lost in the idolatrous worship.
Do not forget to love your family.
Do not lose sight of the prize.
Do not forget to donate and assist in god's work.
Do not forget to tell your boss to [holding up the middle finger] FUCK OFF!
The sewing circle would like me to make the following announcement;
They are in need of fabric for the "Get your beat down on Thursday" Quilt. They are also in need of extra sewing hands. The fabric can be rags as they are first used to clean the lips, eyes and noses during the baptisms and then they are cut and sewn into the quilt.
The deacons are in need of two more tithing attendants. This is a great opportunity for the young men to start their stewardship into being a deacon.
The cookies and coffee are provided by the teen center this Sunday and served by the girls of the boxing club. Please take a moment to congratulate the girl at the coffee carafe for beat down she gave the boys' champion last Friday night.
I do not know what bottle of whoopass the girls brought that night but man they beat the crap out of the sissy boys. Eh Ronald, 'oh no please stop! Please stop!' boo hoo boo hoo ha ha yeah you got the lords left in the solar plexus and she dropped you like a bad habit.
Its ok boys you get another shot next Friday.
Thank you and please remember that you love the guy in the parking lot as much as you do in here.
god bless
A sermon of false prophets and losses
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Hosea 4
4:4 Do not let anyone accuse or contend against anyone else:
for my case is against you priests!
4:5 You stumble day and night,
and the false prophets stumble with you;
You have destroyed your own people!
Your bosses are the false priests of our time that god so despises and loathes. These false priests speak to the leaders of families and bestow upon them the word of false readings and false gods. The family leaders are then fooled into believing that if they commit more time at their temple and assists in the building of this temple that their false god will give them salvation.
4:6 You have destroyed my people
by failing to acknowledge me!
Because you refuse to acknowledge me,
I will reject you as my priests.
Because you reject the law of your God,
I will reject your descendants.
4:7 The more the priests increased in numbers,
the more they rebelled against me.
They have turned their glorious calling
into a shameful disgrace!
But while these fools work the temple leaders are taking everything out the backdoor to their home and filling their domiciles with plush extravagant excess that is not truly needed by them or anyone else on god's planet. They do not care that the items that they surround themselves with are excess, are wasteful they do not care that the monies that they spend on their excesses could be better spent assisting their fellow man.
The bosses are in a game or race to obtain as much material wealth that they have forgotten the love of god and the lord, they have forsaken their joy and happiness of their family and they marry themselves the yoke that is a 60 hour a week job. They call it a career but the bind and the sores are the same. They become so bowed by the shear weight of their desire that the lose sight of the prize and the horizon. They become obsessed with the material and the false happiness.
4:8 They feed on the sin offerings of my people;
their appetites long for their iniquity!
4:9 I will deal with the people and priests together:
I will punish them both for their ways,
and I will repay them for their deeds.
That means that your boss is going to hell! That should make you happy! It makes me filled with joy and sorrow. The sorrow is from the fact that if they come down on Thursday that I could beat some salvation into them and that they may have the opportunity to see the light and find the path back to happiness.
Before god can smite them with the fiery justice that we all know that god has in mind for the sinners. But I can tell you he has greater punishment for the ones that betray him and lead his children with false promises
4:10 They will eat, but not be satisfied;
they will engage in prostitution, but not increase in numbers;
because they have abandoned the Lord
4:11 Old and new wine take away the understanding of my people.
4:12 They consult their wooden idols,
and their diviner’s staff answers with an oracle.
The wind of prostitution blows them astray;
they commit spiritual adultery against their God.
4:13 They sacrifice on the mountaintops,
and burn offerings on the hills;
they sacrifice under oak, poplar, and terebinth,
because their shade is so pleasant.
As a result, your daughters have become cult prostitutes,
and your daughters-in-law commit adultery!
Oh the shame these men in offices must feel when they realize that their sons have married women who are committing adultery. The shame they must feel when they find their daughters committing sex for prophet (small pun intended). They are going to become old and feeble, unable to feel the warmth of loved ones because they have surrounded them selves with the false temple and the false idols of their false god. The wall will keep the ones they love away and distracted while they become cold and crazy from lack of human contact.
They will be strapped into the internet with their obscure porn of unknown weird twisted portrayal of what one may think humans are but in reality they are just filling the area that god would have filled with love with some sick pleasure that only one going to hell would be able to appreciate.
4:14 I will not punish your daughters when they commit prostitution,
nor your daughters-in-law when they commit adultery.
For the men consort with harlots,
they sacrifice with temple prostitutes.
This does not mean that you women are allowed to become prostitutes or commit adultery should your husband be led astray by the wiles and guiles of the office tramp.
The tramp is a cultic prostitute. She weaves her black sex magic in the office that is now the new false god temple. The false god being the almighty dollar. These evil men who think they need the dollar more than their god and they forsake their god and their family to obtain the dirty filthy icon of wealth. The dollar is nothing more than the golden cow of Moses' time. This dollar is not the reason to work the reason to work is to provide your family the shelter and nourishment so that they can grow up and go out and carry the good word of the lord.
By forgetting the purpose of your placement on earth you have lost your way and need the beatings to get back into the good graces of god and the lord. The baptismal beatings are fro your soul, the confession is for your mind and the donations are for the furthering of gods work and the lords way.
I bring up donations because the evil twisted men who are the false priests have decided that many if not all of us do not need an increase of compensation for the time wasted spent at the temple.
Please think about the donation as an opportunity to assist in god's work. This will help offset the work and damage done by the false gods and the false priests that make us work too much. The tithe that the church receives will go to support the church and the work that the church does. The church is in need of a new boxing ring and gloves. The teen center is in need of some new movies and belts for the boys.
This brings another thing to mind
YOU BOYS NEED TO LIFT YOUR FREAKEN PANTS UP! GET A GOD DAMN BELT ON AND HOLD THE PANTS ABOVE THE BUTT CRACK! THERE IS NOT A FEMALE ON THIS PLANET THAT FINDS YOUR UNDERWARE ATTRACTIVE!
4:15 Although you, O Israel, commit adultery,
do not let Judah become guilty!
Do not journey to Gilgal!
Do not go up to Beth Aven!
Do not swear, “As surely as the Lord lives!”
The Lord told me to smite your boss. I will beat god into your boss. I want to save the soul of your boss. I want to perform god's work and convert these false priests into real men of god.
Bring your boss down on Thursday after the client dinner and I will beat the lord into them. They will feel lighter from the grace of god and the loss of shit when I have beaten the shit out of them. They need to see god's way. They need to understand god's plan. They have lost sight of the real prize, their wall of consumerism is too grand for you to reach them now the only savior they have is me and my fives.
We will let them strap on the twelve’s and in the end they will see god and speak in the tongues of the true profits and realize the losses they had were tremendous.
4:16 Israel has rebelled like a stubborn heifer!
Soon the Lord will put them out to pasture
like a lamb in a broad field!
4:17 Ephraim has attached himself to idols;
Do not go near him! The Shameful Sinners Will Be Brought to Shame
4:18 They consume their alcohol,
then engage in cult prostitution;
they dearly love their shameful behavior.
4:19 A whirlwind has wrapped them in its wings;
they will be brought to shame because of their idolatrous worship.
[Bang on the podium]Do not get lost in the idolatrous worship.
[Bang on the podium]Do not forget to love your family.
[Bang on the podium]Do not lose sight of the prize.
[Bang on the podium]Do not forget to donate and assist in god's work.
[Bang on the podium]Do not forget to tell your boss to [holding up the middle finger] FUCK OFF!
Amen and hallelujah
The attendance in the Thursday’s baptismal beatings has never been better but I am starting to see more of the women and less of the men. I am told that this is because the men are trying to close the quarter and the year.
The men need to come by on Thursdays even more if they are working more at the office with the office harlots and tramps. Men do not forget that these women with loose morals are the tools of the false priests to suck you into their depraved world of work and chasing the almighty dollar and for about the almighty lord.
Remember your god can kick your boss's god's ass any fucking day of the week.
Your pastor standing here before you today can beat the tar out of any CEO on the planet and still have the strength to save lives and souls after the match.
Do not get lost in the idolatrous worship.
Do not forget to love your family.
Do not lose sight of the prize.
Do not forget to donate and assist in god's work.
Do not forget to tell your boss to [holding up the middle finger] FUCK OFF!
The sewing circle would like me to make the following announcement;
They are in need of fabric for the "Get your beat down on Thursday" Quilt. They are also in need of extra sewing hands. The fabric can be rags as they are first used to clean the lips, eyes and noses during the baptisms and then they are cut and sewn into the quilt.
The deacons are in need of two more tithing attendants. This is a great opportunity for the young men to start their stewardship into being a deacon.
The cookies and coffee are provided by the teen center this Sunday and served by the girls of the boxing club. Please take a moment to congratulate the girl at the coffee carafe for beat down she gave the boys' champion last Friday night.
I do not know what bottle of whoopass the girls brought that night but man they beat the crap out of the sissy boys. Eh Ronald, 'oh no please stop! Please stop!' boo hoo boo hoo ha ha yeah you got the lords left in the solar plexus and she dropped you like a bad habit.
Its ok boys you get another shot next Friday.
Thank you and please remember that you love the guy in the parking lot as much as you do in here.
god bless
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