Inaugural Address

I wrote this last month in case I was asked to be Obama’s speech writer. Alas I did not get the gig so this is all mine

Inaugural Address
By Rev. John Sleestaxx

Today we embark on a new era and new opportunity to make decisions based on our value system and not the one perpetrated by the foreign heathens or the corporate pirates.
Today we start an era that will begin our great divorce from credit demons and the slave traders of the banks. Today we make ourselves known as the new America, a sharper America, and an America that will be forever known as the America that woke up.
We need to retool our economy, we need to get off the horse (heroin) that is credit, we need to kick the crack habit that is materialism, and we need to say no to the pusher that is Wal-mart and the peddlers of the shit that is killing our economy. We need to get out and work and dig in the soil and build new clean plants that rival china’s, plants that can build our own consumables that that the world needs. We need to make the rest of the world realize that they need us too. That without us buying and consuming they would not be in the prosperous position they are in now. Most of those mother fuckers would be in the dark, fucking their relatives and in marriage to farm animals. The world needs to see us for the power that we are. Sure, they all say ‘oh those guys they are too stupid and they are bullies they are an old dog with no teeth.’ But they all want to live here; they all want to live the American dream. Lets us lift our dream to the world again and make it ours again. Let us create a country that is awesome again.
We will reshape our culture to embrace change and diversity, but at the same time swallow diversity. We will not get lost, like we have been, in the sea of political correctness. Because that is our failure of the past. We have tried to embrace, but got lost and we let the change swallow us, we lost our identity and ourselves, we lost our opportunity to strike out and be original. We became watered down version of someone else. We need to reclaim ourselves, reshape our culture so that we again stand head and shoulders above the rest of the heathens and pagans and worshipers of Satan. We need to be the one that is looked up to, we will be the ones that everyone listens too again, this is our time and we will make it happen. This change is going to work and happen and we are going to work to make it happen.
We need to redefine our position in the global community. In the past we were the ones that brought the conveniences and the innovations to the planet. We were the ones that defined what was new and cool. We captured the lightning and brought light to the darkness that was an age, we harnessed fire and heat to drive progress across the entire globe, and we tamed the wind to carry our dreams around the world and to the rest of the planet. We thought that the current system of communication was to slow we made new faster ways to carry our thoughts and words to the rest of the heathens. And when the rest of the world thought that all that had been invented and thought of and nothing else could be made or thought of, we took our shit to the stars man. We fucking left this world and fucking stood across the greatest divide and looked down on the earth and said “this planet isn’t so fucking big.”
And then we developed a machine that can predict the weather and we saved lives. We developed the internet and porn was unleashed to even the poorest pervert in the farthest corner of this globe.
We have always been the ones to make change. We have always been the ones to developed better conveniences. We, the ones that were cast out of Europe and sent to this lousy spit piece of land and look what we have done for this world and now we have gotten lost, we have wallowed and fucking screwed our fellow American at every turn to the point that the global community have forgotten that we are the “shit”! We need to get up and out and remind them that we are the “shit” again. We will be the ones that develop the next big thing and we need to be prepared to capitalize on this. Be it stem cells and life saving medicine or new transportation that will cripple the fuel markets and create new ones. But we need to get up off our asses and do this. We need to “kick this mother out!”
We also need to keep ever sharp for those that want to do us harm. Because we are the shit, we have our fair share of haters. There are those that want to do us harm. We may not have been the most proper in the past, but we also have had many attacks on us for the simple reason that we are the shit!
Let me address these haters, these detractors, these heathens and worshipers of Satan and false gods. No matter whether your god has a beard or wears a beanie or a turban or your god really is not a god because he does not exist does not exclude the fact that we are all bipedal animals with opposable thumbs that use tools and are basically social, we are all stuck on this rock for a reason. Stop thinking that you can break our backs, that your god in a turban is better than our god in a robe. We will be victorious because we are the shit! We are the mother fucking shit! And we bring change that will rock your socks and kick your ass.
America is going to wake up today and kick this mother out!

Inauguration Prayer

I wrote this months ago in case I was asked to give the inauguration prayer

Inauguration Prayer
By Rev. John Sleestaxx

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee. - Ezekiel 25:17

Oh lord I know I am not your son Jesus but I do know I am your favorite. How much longer do I have to endure the agony of these whinny sinners?
Oh lord dear god our god on high how long do I have to temper my frustration and rage for these blasphemers and pirates of industry, these fascists of economics and slave traders of banking.
When oh dear lord will you make them pay for their sins and their transgressions on their fellow man. When dear lord will they be shown the way to my door? So that I may start them on the long painful path of retribution and penance?
I am ready lord oh dear god I am ready. I have been training my whole life for this moment this monumental beating for this baptism I know their my be some blood shed I know there will be tears of shame and joy but in the end these agents of Satan will see the light and they will be over come with the joy that your light brings and they will be repentant.
I am just saying it is time, it is time to put you humble servant, your most sharpest tool to work.
Dear god coach, put me in, I will carry this rag tag lot of mouth breathers to glory.
But I am here to open this ceremony for the new president.
The Americans have chosen their champion for the next four years.
Please lord protect this man as he fights for me, he fights for all Americans and he fights to spread Christian beliefs across the globe to the corners of the sinful world. He will be the chosen one to force these beliefs unto the unwashed masses fore their own good mind you.
Forget that I question his sexual preference (not that there is anything wrong with that). Forget that some of his beliefs ring of communism? Which is fine since Christianity will be included in these laws of man.
Please guide his hand as he signs and does not Sign the laws of man.
Guide us and him.
Temper his heart in the case we are attacked so that his head is clear when he decides how to act in regards of protecting our beloved homeland building that was built on the backs of outcasts from all walks of life.
Please keep his eye sharp ad his aim is true in regards to piloting this ship of thieves, pirates, and sinners that we call the united states of america.
Please help him separate the chafe (cheaters) from the wheat (good people of this county) when fixing the convoluted fucked up mess of this economy.
Help him beat the retards and liars of the house into remembering why the fuck they are there in the first fucking place like you help me beat the non-believers into seeing your glorious light.
Remember this is their champion their leader to which all eyes are on and all are looking for guidance and leadership.
We are preparing to do battle in your name. These blasphemers we are about to face are right now talking evil about your humble servants, Lord. We are now going to do your will, we are now going out onto the field of war and kick their asses Lord, oh yes we are going to kick their asses. We are going to beat the snot out of them. So that they will know that you are the true Lord, the righteous Lord, and because we will let them live they will know that you are a fair and kind Lord.
We now embark on a righteous path to your glory. We carry you name and strength in our hearts. We are to be victorious in your name Lord. We are to beat and stomp the shit out of our opponents, Lord. We will tattoo your name in their buttocks as we kick them down the field.
And when they have realized their loss they will be sorry they opposed you Lord they will utter pleas of forgiveness and repentance. They will ask you to take them back into your fold and let them suckle on you generosity and forgiveness.
The heathens and the unwashed have challenged your word and your will. They have stepped onto our field. They have defiled the sacred ground that was blessed by you Lord. Right now Lord they speak terrible untruths and blasphemous accusations about you humble servants. They say we are not worthy of being champions, they say you are not with us Lord. Help us to show them the path Lord, help us show them the error of their ways, let us be your muscle and your sinew. Lets us deliver your punishment to the evil that is our competition, Lord.
Let us carry your word with our strength and our hearts. Let us shine with your glory that is so bright that the evil that opposes us will be blinded. Let your voice be so loud that the sinners that are the other team be deafened from your word. Let those that came to watch your servants perform your will on this field be proud of us like you are proud of us now.
Though our win Lord, the blasphemers and the unrighteous will see you your strength and your might, and they will bow and beg forgiveness. For on this day Lord through you we will be victorious and we will be the champions you made us.

To the Church in Philadelphia

Letters to the church from the lord #6
To the Church in Philadelphia
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

To the Church in Philadelphia

Rev 3:7 “To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write the following:

“This is the solemn pronouncement of the Holy One, the True One, who holds the key of David, who opens doors no one can shut, and shuts doors no one can open:
Rev 3:8 ‘I know your deeds. (Look! I have put in front of you an open door that no one can shut.) I know that you have little strength, but you have obeyed my word and have not denied my name.
Rev 3:9 Listen! I am going to make those people from the synagogue of Satan – who say they are Jews yet are not, but are lying – Look, I will make them come and bow down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you.
Rev 3:10 Because you have kept my admonition to endure steadfastly, I will also keep you from the hour of testing that is about to come on the whole world to test those who live on the earth.
Rev 3:11 I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have so that no one can take away your crown.
Rev 3:12 The one who conquers I will make a pillar in the temple of my God, and he will never depart from it. I will write on him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God (the new Jerusalem that comes down out of heaven from my God), and my new name as well.
Rev 3:13 The one who has an ear had better hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’

Do you know what he is speaking of?
Do you?
He is saying that he knows the trials and tribulations that you have been subjected too. He knows that you have been beaten and you have been persecuted. But he has rewards waiting for you because you stood strong in his word through all hell and adversity. He also has some punishment to be dealt out to the false Jews of the synagogue of Satan.

Exo 23:1
“You must not give a false report. Do not make common cause with the wicked to be a malicious witness.

Do not lie in his name, do not lie for any reason at all. Do not bring your self to the level of the persecutors and torturers of the world. Do not create strife and adversity with in the family unit. Be strong as a family as you are strong in the word of the lord.

Exo 23:7
Keep your distance from a false charge – do not kill the innocent and the righteous, for I will not justify the wicked.

There is no reason for lying. There is no reason to subjugate the weak and innocent. For no reason known to god or man is there a reason to lie cheat and steal but it happens everyday, everyday in church, everyday in academia, everyday in business and every day in the government. Can I get a witness?
Even though the world is out to crush and enslave the righteous you do not get to break the rules and laws of god. But you will be rewarded for following the rules and laws. That means when your boss brags about the great financial success of the business and then gives you no raise and tells you there just is no money to compensate. You will be rewarded. But do not steal from you boss do not lie about you time sheet and do not lie to protect your boss when he has committed a crime either.

Psa 144:11
Grab me and rescue me from the power of foreigners, who speak lies, and make false promises.

Do not fall into the trap of the global economy. Along with cheaper goods because of the averaging of COGs there is also the averaging of salaries. Also when the corporations line their pockets with profits and then take the rest and invest in the economy of the foreign nations to build their goods they are starving their cash cow.
They invest in the company but they do not invest in their local and country economies. These men are the ones that will bring about the end times and the anti-Christ will rise from them.

Pro 6:19
a false witness who pours out lies, and a person who spreads discord among family members.

Families are not just those tied by blood they are also the people you work with. They are the people that you shop with. They are the people you next too. They are the people that your children go to school with. You do not need to be gossiping, rumor-milling, and scandalizing. These are family for good or ill they are your community they are the people that you live with.
Be kind to your family. Be right with your family. Do not try and tear down your family members help and they help you. They succeed and you succeed.

Rev 20:7
Now when the thousand years are finished, Satan will be released from his prison 20:8 and will go out to deceive the nations at the four corners of the earth, Gog and Magog, to bring them together for the battle. They are as numerous as the grains of sand in the sea. 20:9 They went up on the broad plain of the earth and encircled the camp of the saints and the beloved city, but fire came down from heaven and devoured them completely. 20:10 And the devil who deceived them was thrown into the lake of fire and sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet are too, and they will be tormented there day and night forever and ever.

Dan 11:21
“Then there will arise in his place a despicable person to whom the royal honor has not been rightfully conferred. He will come on the scene in a time of prosperity and will seize the kingdom through deceit.

Gog and Magog are the kings of Asia and the land of Asia. They are the eaters of the world in the book of revelations. They will be the ones that bring the plagues upon us. I am not saying that Asians are the devil I am saying that the kings or the corporate leaders that allow lead paint to be on child toys, leaders and CEOs that allow poison to be placed in tooth paste that will be given to the poor and the people of third world countries. Do not think this a mistake. This is part of a greater plan to rid the world of the hangers-on , the ones thought to be dragging the world down. A culling of the heard so to speak is under way.
This is also part of a greater plan to have the common folk hand the control over. Look at how terrible things are look at the horrific tragedies and look what we can do to fix the problems. Look at the changes that can be made provided you give us total control over your environments. You can no longer afford housing we will provide housing. You can no longer take proper care of your children we will take care of your children. You can no longer take care of your self let us take care of you.
Think for yourself. Buy local when you can. Treat your neighbor with care and love. Treat your family with the respect they deserve, and that includes those members that are not tied with blood.
The cookies and donuts are American made and the coffee is of American roast. The single mothers support group is looking for some strong backs to help move some of the sisters to better accommodations. Also I understand that some of the single men are now dating some of the single mothers and I have preformed 2 marriages from that mix. I am glad to see that the community is getting better intertwined and interleaved this will make us stronger and make us a greater force when the time comes to beat the devil back into hell.

Speaking of hell, the Henderson's elderly mother was run down in the parking lot during an altercation over exiting the parking lot. Please, please be a little more Christian until you have exited the parking lot.