I am My Brother’s Keeper By Rev. J. Sleestaxx

Jer 30:17
Yes, I will restore you to health. I will heal your wounds. I, the Lord, affirm it! For you have been called an outcast, Zion, whom no one cares for.”

My friends I have another story to relate to you all. This is about

“I am My Brother’s Keeper.”
By Rev. John Sleestaxx

I was in the gas station this weekend and there was this guy, this guy must have weighed 400-450lbs.
He is standing there in line in front of me waiting to buy a 44oz coke, Twix, Twinkies, and one of those travel cups of resses swoops.
I am looking at this guy and listening to him huff and wheeze and I am thinking how can this guy take a crap and not think about how he looks. I am willing to bet that he has not seen his feet or his penis for years. I know that the shower stall in my house would be hard pressed to have him fit in and I know that my tub could not fit him and water at the same time.
Where are the cops to stop this man???
I have cops standing at intersections giving out tickets for seatbelts. Why are they not making this a law?? I think that these people should be held accountable fro their actions like motorcycle riders without helmets and car occupants without seat belts.
I decided to do the right thing and I smacked his hand holding the candy and made him drop it. As he turned I brought my hand up under the 44oz cup and sent it flying. He looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was but it did not matter. He looked at the candy on the ground and the soda puddle next to it and asked me "What was that for." I smiled and said I was performing an act of good citizenship and saving his life. I also said that I thought that his size did not warrant such crappy food.
Then I slapped my right hand, the one that was touched by God himself, on his forehead and said, “You need to get down to Bally's Total Fitness and get buff, because if you are fat you will not be able to get through the Pearly Gates even turned sideways.”
Then I said, “Your lard will be burned up in the Lake of Fire along with ... dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie. Revelation 22:15”
He said it was none of my business and to mind my own affairs. I explained that under the same premise as the seat belt laws and helmet laws that his size and willful neglect of his health was placing a strain on the health care system that ultimately I am going to have to shoulder since he will not live long enough to pay for enough insurance to cover his debt.
Abdul Seheem Shamire began yelling at us about the mess. I threw a twenty at him and told him that that should cover the problem on the floor. But he continued to scream and yell as though he was in prayer. I deftly stepped around the fat man and reached the counter in two steps. I grabbed the twenty and the back of Abdul's head and slammed the Middle Eastern cranium into the scratcher ticket window on the counter. Abdul began to stop yelling and just whimper. I will make it up to him and his family like I always do.
The fat man stepped back away from me for fear that I was going to hurt him next. Just as I was about to say that I was not going hurt him he slipped in the coke and candy puddle and fell down.
He began to wallow on his back and scream "don't hurt me don't hurt me."
I yelled for him to shut up.
He did but the fear in his eyes was tremendous.
I asked if he was alright.
He said “yes.”
I asked if he could get up from that position.
He said “no.”
I asked, “Do I need to roll you over to your stomach so you can get up.”
He nodded.
I grabbed a hand and pulled him over to his side and he huffed and wheezed for a minute or two and then he began the laborious process of getting up.
When he was on his hands and knees he reached out and picked up that fucking Twix bar. I kicked him in the ribs and yelled "What the hell are you doing, you dip shit?"
He "uffed" and let go of the candy bar. When he was back on his feet I told him that he had better make right his body as his body was a temple of the lord and that God and Jesus do not need that much room.
He nodded and left the station.
I helped Abdul to the back room and made sure that the first aid kit had the proper size bandages and I told him that his family would be receiving a gift to make up for this terrible grievous error on my part.
I also told him that his sister made a wonderful wife and has brought much pride and honor to his family.
I did not have the heart to tell him that his sister is a harlot and a skank. And that I have to beat her daily for committing adultery while I’m at work.
Please remember that your body is a temple for the lord and that it should be fit and ready for him to enter at all times. Also remember that your health is also a burden on the rest of us. Everyone should do their part in making the world a blessed place and as stress free as possible.
Friends I want to remind you all again about the Thursday night bible beat downs. And that you do not have to be a “Lost soul” to get your ass stomped by me, you can just need some good old fashion encouragement and path straitening.
Why just last Thursday deacon Timothy was in need of some guidance because he was having lustful thoughts for a woman at work. But he talked to his wife and she recommended that he come down and see me. After counseling the two I brought the kind deacon into the ring and we went 2 rounds before he saw the light and errors of his ways.
The deacon’s wife went one round before she realized that she should make herself more available to the deacon and maybe spend a little more time on her morning makeup routine.
Cookies, cakes, and coffees have been arranged by the women’s auxiliary and are out in the foyer for a short Sunday morning social please stop have some and talk to your fellow worshiper before going home today.
Thank you and God bless.