Reverend John Sleestaxx &trade: I have a condition

So I have a story to tell you all.
I was a bad kid when I was younger. I did things that no one can understand unless they have been there. And those that have been there are usually dead or they will not talk about it. And so not to do those things I did different things.
And I am not going to talk about any of it except that I am going to say that one day a terrible terrible tragedy befell me and I was in a predicament that one talks to god in all earnest. And these stories are told all the time if the person experiencing them lives to tell the tale and witness.
So today I am going to witness
I was staring down the barrel of a gun one day and I knew I was going to die I knew this because I was going to pull the trigger. I was going to me my killer. I was going to right many injustices. This was not suicide nothing even close to it. I was going to be my judge jury and executioner. I had done some things that people are killed for and I was not going to do them any more.
I was there looking into the black hole that is the barrel of the shotgun and I was going over my crimes. all of them every single one because I carry them around with me and every day I wake I sit on the edge of my bed and I first go over my crimes and then I go over my list of hated people. This list is short because if I am to go over this list I do not want to go over much.
The list of crimes range from felonies to misdemeanors to crimes against nature and my fellow man.
That day I was putting my self on trial.
And I had no defense except I was just trying to survive.
So I had finished the case and I decided that I should be put down. And I pleaded with god to please stop this and let me live and god spoke to me. He said that the fact I was talking to him and that I was about to try myself for my crimes meant that I was repentant and that he forgave me.
He told me to become a witness and to spread the word through my ministry in my way. And then he touched my hands.
So every year about this time in April I have these markings on my hands they last about three days and they are gone.
I do not know and I do not talk about it with anyone.